Championship Winning Teams: Stop Covering Up Your Awesome Jerseys With Crappy T-Shirts

As we await the next winner of the Super Bowl, there’s something we need to talk about. Something that’s been bothering me, and maybe only me, for years now. Why in the hell do championship teams cover up their jerseys with ugly t-shirts?!? Why??? What’s the point. We know you won. We just fucking watched you win. Why do you insist on, year after year, celebrating your hard earned victory in cheap t-shirts that look like they were designed by some stupid intern at 5 pm on a Friday when everyone else is already at happy hour. Honestly. You’ve worn your jerseys all season long. You’ve shed blood, sweat, and tears into the fibers of this battle attire, only to replace them with generic shirts the second the confetti starts falling. Why??? Celebrate in the shirt that was with you from the start, not some new garment that was made three days ago by some underpaid kid in a sweatshop. 

Now, I’m sure there’s pressure on the players to wear these ugly things. And who knows, maybe they even get some sort of bonus from the league. I don’t know. But regardless, they’re hideous and have no place in any championship celebration. So if the leagues absolutely insist on having players wear them, save it for the locker room celebration when everyone is shit faced and spilling beer, champaign, and God knows what other liquids on each other.

I might very well be the only one on earth who cares about this. But seriously, look at the Chiefs’ jerseys compared to those t-shirts and tell me I’m wrong.

Exactly. 

On This Day In 1964: The Most Overrated Music Group Of All Time Brings Their Shitty Music To America

“Groundbreaking, influential, and unique.” These words, among many others, are commonly used to describe the Beatles when talking about their music, style, and story of how they came to be. That’s just great. Who gives a fuck. 

If I was asked to describe the music this group of terrible haired hipsters put out, I’d use the same words too. Groundbreakingly bad. Influentially awful. And uniquely, just… ew. I mean come on. I don’t give a shit about their humble beginnings or how they ironically named their ‘groundreaking’ and ‘‘unique’ band after the most common fucking insect, their music sucks. Seriously. I can’t listen to more than two songs in a row without wishing someone would grant me John Lennon’s same fate. Just because their style of music was new and different doesn’t mean it was great, or even good for that matter. 

And that stupid Abbey Road album cover? Big fucking deal. They claim it only took their photographer Iain Macmillon six photos to get the perfect shot. Even if this were true, who gives a fuck. Congratulations on taking a photo of four dudes using a crosswalk correctly. The only lasting legacy that photo left behind was the fact that thousands of morons block traffic every year taking similar photos. Wow. Amazing. The only photos I’d find interesting were ones taken after a speeding driver decided to photobomb their photoshoot. Show me THAT album cover. 

The only other thing I'll talk about in relation to this terrible band and their horrible music, is their God awful fans. You have nothing better to do than await the arrival of four bozos with bowl cuts? And not only that, but you’re screaming and crying like a bunch of school girls in an 80’s slasher flick. The thousands of photos depicting these pathetic people painted the perfect picture of how crazy you had to be to like this band. 

To end this shit hole of a blog, on this day in history, the Beatles landed in America. They were something new and something unique. But groundbreaking and influential? Ha. Not a fucking chance. 

So any time you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain… from listening to their God awful music. 

Horny Basement Dwellers Ruin TikTok Silhouette Challenge

While this may look like something out of the Red Light District in Amsterdam, it’s far from it, and MUCH more important. This isn’t girls putting their bodies on display in hopes of finding that special someone who’ll shell out $500 for sex with a stranger... No, this is the latest and greatest viral TikTok challenge where girls, of all shapes and sizes, put their bodies on display as part of the body positivity movement. Using a simple red light filter on TikTok, users can now show their thigh gaps, skinny arms, and tight stomachs without showing too much of the goods, ya know, like their tiny outfits do in literally every other video they post. 

Now, do many of these girls make money from TikTok? Yes. Do they make money from TikTok because they just happen to post videos of themselves in bikinis so small there wouldn’t be enough material to wipe my ass with? Yes. So are they kind of like prostitutes in a way? Probably. But that’s not the point here. 

The point of this blog is that, as with any half assed movement on the internet, someone will find a way to ruin it. And in the case of the TikTok red light district/body positive virtual prostitutes... ruin they did. The second the red lights were in site, hundreds of horny, basement dwelling incels got off their lonely futons to post educational tutorials on YouTube on how to remove the red light filter, therefore exposing user’s bodies in, well, all their “glory”. Creepy? Very. Intrusive? Obviously. Illegal? I don’t know but it should be. Because as stupid and questionable as the majority of TikTok “challenges” and many of their users tend to be, no one deserves to have their body exposed against their will, ESPECIALLY by some weirdo losers who have never talked to an actual woman who doesn’t require batteries. 

So I don’t know if the FBI is still trying to find more idiots who stormed the capital, but they need to stop whatever they’re doing and lock up some of these mouth breathing scumbag fucks. Because if you’ve never touched an actual boob in real life, you shouldn’t be allowed to expose one on the internet.