In Honor Of O.J. Simpson’s Passing… Here are Ten WAYYYYYYYYYY Better O.J.’s...
Orange juice. Obvious first choice here. Where do I begin? Tastes great. Healthy for you. Didn’t get away with murder. What else?
Orange jammies. Like the ones he was supposed to wear for the rest of his life, but…ya know.
Our justice (system). Ok maybe not this one. For obvious reasons.
Old jars. Who doesn’t love a few nice antique mason jars displayed on some half ass installed shelf to help show house guests where you never dust. And until that cheap shelf comes crashing down and one of those Ball jars murders someone…
Oversized jeans. Hideous in my opinion 100% of the time. Like the percent chance O.J. committed murder to anyone with a logical and normally functioning brain. So still better.
Old Jizz. Who doesn’t love finding an old sticky wad of dried up tunnel tadpoles hiding in an old sock. Just think of all the terrible people those could’ve turned into.
Orange Julius. Like orange juice, also doesn’t get away with murder. Oh and tastes even better than its predecessor.
Oh jeez. What every half assed church going midwesterner says instead of a normal adult phrase like… “oh for fucks sake” or “what the fuck” or “what in THE fuck” or “oh fuck” or “oh jesus fucking christ” or “oh jesus fucking christ for fuck’s sakes what the fuck”. Ya know, any of the normal ones that an actual adult uses after either getting shocking news, or seeing a police chase on the tv, or idk seeing someone get away with murder. Just throwing out examples.
Orthodox Jews. Probably against their religion to murder someone in cold blood and then claim your innocence for the rest of time because a wet from blood leather glove doesn’t fit anymore and you can afford to have an entire law office of the best lawyers on your team.
Orenthal James (Simpson). The football player. Not to be confused with O.J. Simpson the cold blooded murderer. Certainly a football player could never do something so heinous.