Why Are You Wishing Your Parents A Happy Birthday On Instagram? No One Cares
Just a quick PSA for everybody, if you're wishing a parent happy birthday on a social media platform that your parent isn't even on, instead of making 500 random people scroll past the same paragraph and stupid pictures you posted last year, just send them a text. Ok?
Because I'm sorry to break the news to you, but no one reads past the first few words, and all you're doing is making us hate you more than we already do. Especially you self important idiots who feel the need to wish your parents a happy birthday or anniversary on Instagram. INSTAGRAM. Are your parents on insta?!? I’ll answer that for you... No, they are not. So should you be congratulating them on getting older or wasting away another year with their spouse who they’ve hated for a decade now? I’ll answer that question for you too... No, you should not.
"Happy 27th anniversary to my two role models, you've taught me so much about life and love, and you're an inspiration to us all. I can only hope to be just as perfect as you two someday and blah blah blah blah BLAH. The only reason, I repeat, the ONLY reason you make these stupid posts is to get likes and attention. That’s it. There is absolutely no other reason to post about your parents birthday or anniversary on a platform they don’t even have. They won’t see the post and you probably told them the same sappy shit in person or over the phone early that day anyway. Actually, you probably didn’t because no one is ever that corny. Ever. Just on social media when it comes to getting attention. If you want attention that badly, post a topless selfie, or a picture of your parents having sex. I don’t know. But spice it up a little bit.
And if you just have to make these stupid posts every year, if you can’t live unless you type out the same shitty paragraph about how great Bob and Lisa are, then it should be a requirement that you also make a post when they get divorced with all the dirty details about how Bob fucked Lisa’s best friend. I guarantee this would get way more likes, and would definitely be more entertaining to read. So just some things to think about.
In the meantime however, just text your parents whatever you thought the rest of the world wanted to read. They’ll appreciate it and we won’t have to pretend to. Thanks.