Mr. Potato Head Comes Out As Gender Neutral... Old News

Mr. Potato Head... A dude with a bushy mustache but manicured eyebrows, pink ears and blue shoes, wears lipstick but no pants, and rocks a bowler hat which was popular in 1800′s Britain, has recently revealed that he isn’t a Mr. or a Mrs., he’s actually gender neutral. Go fucking figure. Just look at this spiffy motherfucker. Does it look like this trend setting staple crop gives two shits about gender identity? Of course not. I wonder why it even took this long for him I mean it to take away the ‘Mr.’ from his name. I mean it’s name, dammit. 

And for those of you who are upset by this recent development (Fox News and company), I have more bad news. If this dapper son of a bitch (I mean offspring of a bitch) doesn’t adhere to society created gender identities, there’s no way in hell that Potato Head identifies as a vegetable, starch, or root or whatever the hell else they’re labeled as nowadays. This bad ass is in its own food group, if it even considers itself a food at this point. I’m guessing not. 

When the dust finally settles and those of you devastated by the news are able to move past this, I’m sure there will be more toys and cartoon characters who will come out as gender neutral, gay, bi-sexual, trans, and whatever else you idiots still have a hard time accepting. So I just hope this isn’t too much for you folks to handle. Just know that there are resources available to you, to help get you through these tough times. 

Fuck. As I was typing this shitty blog I read another article on the matter and apparently Hasbro is just changing the brand name to Potato Head, but is keeping the Mr. and Mrs. Potato head characters. But I already wrote this much so I’m not deleting it. God dammit Hasbro. I guess Potato Head is a Mr. after all. 

Whatever. That’s what you get for taking the time to a write a fucking blog about a toy potato.