The Perfect Male Height
"How tall are you?" Ah yes. The age old question. The physical feat SO important that specific requirements for it grace the Tinder bios of seemingly every hot girl in America. Height. And when it comes to making your case for attractiveness, men... you better have it right.
Any guy who has ever swiped through Tinder knows the drill. You come across a profile of some gorgeous girl… She’s athletic, fashion forward, and seems to spend most of her weekends jet setting across the globe like some skipping stone playing tag with the continents. So you scroll through her pics, stopping briefly to stare at the one of her in a skimpy bikini before making your way to that ever so unoriginal bio that you've read a thousand times before.
After brief paragraphs mentioning how adventurous they are, their love of trying new foods, a warning about their sarcasm, and an FYI that they will never love you as much as they love their dog, you finally get to the bullet points. Oh god.
Sagittarius
Wine
Coffee
Brunch
Travel
Music
Fitness
Hiking
Laughing
Living
Adventures
Old Soul
Reading
Yoga
Family
Friends
Farmers Markets
Cute Dates
Independent
Hopeless Romantic
Honesty
Loyalty
Spring
Summer
Fall
Winter
Blah blah BLAH blah blah. And then comes the inevitable. That last bullet point they strategically place at the bottom of their match making grocery list. The "oh by the way". The last thing they want you to see before swiping left or right. Their requirement for height...
6'
Yep. You knew it was coming. But your heart sinks nonetheless. "Fuckin bullshit" you mumble to yourself as you ponder whether or not she would notice the difference between 6' and 5' 8". It just sucks. What's a little fella have to do to get a decent girl these days? Well I wish I had the answer for you circus attractions, but I on the other hand never have to worry about picking restaurants based on whether or not they have highchairs. I'm 6' 3". And if you're wondering how awesome life is up here, mind your own business. Knowing the view I have 24/7 would just depress you anyway.
So what is the perfect height? Well I'd say it's 6' 3", and not because I just happen to be a gentleman of that stature. 6' 3" is the perfect height because you're not short, yet you're not TOO tall. And you're not right on the edge of being 6 feet tall like those frauds who are 6' - 6' 1". A guy in this range dips below the 6' mark every time he steps in a pothole. Nobody wants to be that guy. I'd rather be 5' 10" - 5' 11" and the king of the kitty pool instead of struggling to stay afloat in the deep end. Being a tall 5 footer is like being a superstar in the minor leagues. Sure it's the minors, but you still get first pick of all the farm club jersey chasers and best seats on the coach bus.
In addition to not being short, at 6' 3" you're also not too tall which is important. Once you start getting into skyscraper range, that height starts to come with deformities that make you less desirable to women. You know those dudes, the slender man looking weirdos who are like 6' 10" - 6' 11" and wobble around like baby giraffes trying to walk for the first time. They usually have deformed faces with big bony noses and bulging foreheads, and they die when they're like 35 because their heart has already put in a full life's work. Once you get too tall, most women are either off the table or standing on one just to get their face in the same area code as yours.
So with that being said, without further ado I present to you the perfect male height...
6' 3"
Update your bios, ladies.