Russia Now Has Actual Light Sabers

Guinness World Records has recently credited Russian YouTuber Alex Burkan with creating the world’s first real, retractable lightsaber. I wish I was joking. But the plasma blade measures over three feet in length and reaches temperatures of over 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit, which is apparently more than hot enough to cut through steel, or more likely the limbs of anyone who defies Russia’s friendly leader. In other words, yes nerds, we now have actual light sabers. Leave it to the Russians.

I know living in Russia must suck. Every video you see online that takes place in Russia is either a crazy, straight out of a movie street fight, or some kid climbing to the top of a skyscraper wearing nothing but a GoPro and a creepy grin on their face that all Russian dare devils seem to have. I don’t know if a combination of vodka and the weather is responsible for that country’s bat shit crazy mentality, but what else is there to do in a place that sees an average of 64 degrees Fahrenheit in the SUMMER for God’s sake. So I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that some skin head looking evil scientist/YouTuber created a real life fucking light saber. As if crazy Russians walking around with average BACs rivaling that of a HOF hitter wasn’t scary enough, instead of fighting with their fists and broken bottles, these SOBs will now be wielding hand held laser beams. Filming the next Star Wars movie should be a piece of cake. Just bring your cameras to Russia and wait until bar close for Christ’s sake.

And as if Russians with light sabers wasn’t horrifying enough, according to his interview with Guinness World Records, this maniac is now working on a real life Iron Man suit. Lord have mercy on our souls. 

Thanks a lot, George.