On This Day In 1876: 29 Year-Old Alexander Graham Bell Patents The Telephone

What have you done by the the age of 29? Inventing something that 99.99% of the world would use over the next 150 years is pretty impressive for a dude still in his 20s. At a time where most of his peers were blacking out four nights a week and fucking like rabbits, Mr. Graham Bell was busy developing one of the most important inventions in human history. Little did he know, however, what his prized patent would turn into and how it would be used today. 

It’s probably a good thing Alexander Graham Bell passed away long before modern day telephones, because if he was still alive and saw how we used his telephone today, I think he’d hang himself with the cord. Because I’m pretty sure when he was working day in and day out to come up with a way to communicate with someone across the country, he pictured people using the technology for good. Using it for serious business or delivering urgent news. And that was probably true for the most part, when the world first started using telephones. Back then, you didn’t call someone to tell them you were horny and home alone. You didn’t call someone to talk about how Mary’s a bitch because she was flirting with Peter last night when she knows that you liked him first. You didn’t call someone to shoot the shit about absolutely nothing for an hour because your wife dragged you to the mall and she’ll been in Bed Bath and Beyond for God knows how long. People back then didn’t have time to gossip, or profess their urge to fornicate over the phone. They were too busy doing whatever the hell you did in those days. Tending the fire. Fending off small pox or the common cold. Cooking and cleaning. Humming to oneself as you knitted. I don’t know. Whatever. You get the point. 

On this day in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone. And who knows, maybe he too, used it to bone.