Who’s Stealing My Night Time Mouth Guards?

How the hell do I keep losing my night time mouth guards? Seriously. Does anybody else have this issue? I buy those $20 do it yourself mouth guards from Walmart because apparently I grind my teeth like a damn meat processor at night, and I cannot for the life of me figure out how I lose them as often as I do. Aside from my virginity (obviously), I literally never lose anything. I can’t remember the last time I lost my chapstick before finishing it. And the only time I ever lost my wallet was when somebody broke into our apartment and stole it, and I still found it outside in a bush. However, when it comes to the thing that keeps my own jaws from slowly crushing my pearly whites, I can’t for the life of me keep one for more than maybe a month before I inevitably lose the damn thing. It of course doesn’t help that they make these things clear in the first place. Ahhh… clear. The perfect color. Wouldn’t want to make them say… literally any other color. Actually just try A color. See through? Really? Oh I must see right through the fucking thing every time I’m trying to find it! See through? You’re serious. Yeah like that’s not some evil way you guys make more money from idiots like me who lose the fucking things all the time because THEY ARE LITERALLY SEE THROUGH. This should actually be illegal. It’s bad enough I have to sleep with a chunk of cancer plastic in my mouth every night, but now I gotta get down on my hands and knees searching for this damn thing every few days because it falls out and again… is literally colorless. You guys literally could not make these things harder to find if you tried. Get it together Oral-B. My life is falling apartment one $20 mouthguard at a time.