Swimming Instructers Are Fucking Psychos
Jesus christ what in the h e double hockey sticks what are these serial killers doing in the same zip code as these innocent little kids, let alone the same SWIMMING POOL. Like this first video for example. Watch this and tell me this lady isn’t a serial killer.
Just look at her facial expressions. And how they change as she goes from “come here little girl” fake nice Linda the witch, to evilly deranged as she so clearly enjoys launching little pigtails head over heals into the pool at like 600 miles an hour. I mean Jesus christ the second time. Look at the splash that little tike makes. I’ve seen smaller splashes from fat people doing cannon balls.
And then you have this absolute nightmare of probably some unfortunate idiot’s wife. And save it. I don’t want to hear whatever insane hippie excuse you have for why this is the way you need to teach some 42 day-old how to swim. “Oh actually… When a child is between one and two months old, their nasal and throat passages aren’t yet fully formed, thus forcing the child to exercise these muscles while they’re still developing is especially crucial to their” Oh blow it out your ass. How about I take YOUR $200 and try to drown YOUR stupid kid. Ok? Yeah I’ll jam a leaf blower down their throat, tie a twenty pound weight to their ass and chuck em in the pool from the top of the life guard’s lighthouse ladder thing and see if they can pop back up like a fucking buoy. Jesus christ a third time. And the way she stands there snapping her fingers a half mile above the kid’s head as if that actually does anything. Give me a fucking break. The stupid thing’s flailing around, doing literally anything and everything its way underdeveloped brain can think of not to drown, and you think snapping your fingers like you’re trying to get the dog to stop licking your vibrator while talking to your mom on the phone, is going to help anything at all… “Well actually, babies have a pre-developed” oh shut up. No they don’t. Whatever you were about to say.
This shit is insane and anyone who says otherwise is insane too. There is no reason your kid needs navy seal training before blowing out their first candle on a birthday cake.