Joe Biden’s Dogs Unfairly Kicked Out Of White House

Joe Biden’s dogs, Champ and Major, were unfairly returned to the Biden family home in Delaware this week following a tiny little biting incident involving Major and a member of White House security. The only details we currently have of the account were those provided today by White House press secretary Jen Psaki. She said that Major was surprised by an unfamiliar person, and I quote, “Reacted in a way that resulted in a minor injury to the individual.” 

So basically, Major didn’t like a certain security guard and let them know with a little nip to the ass. Big fucking deal. He’s the First Dog of the United States of America, and because he let the security guards know he doesn’t approve of them following him around all day, he gets shipped back to Delaware like some pair of shoes you ordered off Amazon that don’t fit properly. This is absolute bullshit. 

The dumb ass security guard was probably staring at him while he was trying to take a shit, or he tried to take his bone away and Major had to let him know who’s boss. And they should consider themselves lucky that it was only a minor injury. Because if you’re getting bit by the First Dog of the United States of America, you’re clearly a pile of shit and deserve every tooth that was sunk in to your flesh. And if you think about it, wouldn’t it actually be kind of an honor to get bit by the First Dog? Shit you probably get like free healthcare for the rest of your life. I’d get bit by Major any day. Again, he’s the FIRST DOG of the greatest country in the world. He can bite whoever the fuck he wants. You don’t send his ass back to fucking Delaware, you give him a treat. Idiots. 

I just hope Champ and Major return to where they belong very soon. I’m sure they’ll have to undergo some bullshit sensitivity training and promise not to bite anymore nosey security guards. Whatever. Just as long as they’re welcomed back with open arms. 

And as for the security guard? I hope it gets infected.