Greenland Sharks Are Really Fucking Old

Scientists believe that Greenland sharks can live to be 400 years old. Yes, 400. That wasn’t a typo. If you think this sounds like bullshit, do what I skeptically did and google this thing. Just look at a picture of one of these floating fossils and tell me that thing doesn’t look every bit of four centuries.

Greenland sharks are members of the ‘sleeper shark’ family, which is probably a good thing because when you’re older than most of the shipwrecks you swim by every day, those long afternoon naps I’m sure are a must. In addition to the ironic family they belong to, these living museums are found primarily in cold water environments like the Arctic Ocean and North Atlantic, thus proving that shivering your whole damn life is obviously the key to living longer than anyone would ever want to. I mean Jesus Christ! Four centuries, just imagine.

To put this into perspective, 244 years ago George Washington gave the United States its birth date when he led the rebels in victory over the British. And somewhere far away, there was a shark swimming around, who could have been old enough to be Washington’s great grandfather, with a life span so long that he’s still swimming around today. That’s a really old shark, folks.