Steve Irwin Should Have Turned 59 Today… Fuck Stingrays
Well… Today we SHOULD be celebrating the 59th birthday of the greatest crocodile hunter of all time, Steve Irwin. But because some punk bitch ass stingray apparently had a grudge against Sir Irwin, we have to celebrate his birthday without him. And it is one of history’s greatest travesties that every government in the world doesn’t still have a team of experts dedicated to finding the piece of shit culprit. According to a quick google search, stingrays only live between 5 and 10 years, but I bet this son of bitch is still out there, swimming around and bragging to all his friends. Yeah, congratulations dude, you have a fucking spike on the end of your tail and you stabbed an innocent man with it. Real tough.
They say only the good die young, and if that’s the case, this evil motherfucker is probably immortal. He must be brought to justice, and if that means Australia using their entire army to do so then so be it. Hell I’m sure the US would lend them a few hundred thousand troops. And I bet finding this son of a bitch isn’t even that hard. If we dedicated like a million people to the search, all we’d have to do is conduct DNA testing on every stingray’s tail and we would find this mother fucker in like two months. Then we could torture him for like ten years, stab him a bazillion times with his own tail spike barb thing, then cook him up and serve him to the public, burry his remains in a cemetery far away from any other graves, and every year on Steve’s birthday the entire country of Australia could dance around this asshole’s headstone. Sounds like a pretty great way to celebrate his birthday.
But again, first we actually need to locate this lower than life sea scum. So what the fuck are you doing Australia? You can’t tell me you have better things to do right now than find Steve’s cold killer. Hell he probably wasn’t even this serial stingray killer’s first or last victim. This bitch should be at the top of every ‘most wanted’ list in every country that borders an ocean. If things don’t change before Steve’s next birthday, I think the United Nations should seriously look into charging Australia’s Prime Minister with crimes against humanity.
Well anyway, happy birthday Steve Irwin.