Boosted Ego: Let’s Put An End To Leg Lengthening Surgery

According to the two articles I skimmed, there’s been a recent surge in shorter men ditching the phone books and kid’s section clothing for adult sized legs by having them surgically lengthened. Now the reasoning is obvious. And I get it. When it comes to dating and women, mini men want to play in the same league as real men. It makes sense. For women, the party is nicer in the penthouse. You aren’t stopping on the third floor to hangout and see how many dudes you can simultaneously put in the friend zone when you know there’s a pool party on the roof. So I sympathize with you. However, shame on all you short kings. Have a little pride. Fuck the amusement parks and their height requirements. Take that extra step on the stairs. It’s ok. Life isn’t always greener on the other, much greener, sunnier, and overall better side. Believe it or not, (Not the Ripley’s kind your family probably belongs in) life isn’t all candy and roses up here either. Imagine having to open every door just to enter a room or building instead of simply walking under them. Yeah. And have you ever tried to sit in the back of any sedan smaller than an Accord Touring Edition? Yeah you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you. Because afterwards I bet your knees don’t look like you worked the corner all weekend. And how many overhead compartments on planes have you smacked your god damn dome on in your lifetime? So you have to stand up to adjust the air. Big deal. I’m the poor bastard who gets to act as part luggage crane for the vertically challenged around me more often than not. God forbid I’m simply handed my suitcase as I get off the plane like you short shit heads. I suppose you just sit on your suitcases too. See, more carry ons. Being short has its perks!

Anyways, there’s a lot that goes on up here. And I don’t think just any ordinary Joe schmoe should be allowed to surgically attach a pair of stilts to themselves just to get a few more phone numbers. Again, I get that your pool of women is more like a murky, stagnant pond instead of the five star resort caliber, olympic sized ones us vertically gifted males swim in. But that’s just life. And in life, not every pool has a shallow end.