A Winnie-The-Pooh Horror Movie Is In Post Production And I Couldn't Be Hornier I Mean Happier

Sweet Jesus Joseph and Mary. In what seems like an article straight out of The Onion, we will soon be blessed with a Winnie-The-Pooh horror movie! The honey craving, pants hating childhood favorite recently hit public domain, and someone sent straight from the horror movie heavens has already made a first ballot HOF cult classic out of the opportunity. And how do I know it will be a cult classic? Just look at that fucking poster and these first images for Christ's sake. Not to mention, the film reportedly took all of ten days to shoot. If that doesn't scream instant classic, what does? 

Writer and director, Rhys Waterfield hasn't revealed much about the film yet, but any true fan of a good slasher knows you don't need a captivating plot or big budget to enjoy a movie like this. Winnie and, by the looks of it, his equally evil sidekick Piglet are going to fuck some people up. What the hell more do you need? This movie looks like it has it all. 

Hot girl in a hot tub... What do you wanna bet that wine bottle gets turned into a cork screw to remove hot girl's head from her body. Count me in.

Cheap yet oddly creepy masks you could find at any one of those seasonal halloween stores. Wouldn't have it any other way.

The classic stand off scene that takes place on some lightly traveled country road, in the dark no less. You betcha!

They even drive a BMW for crying out loud. "Where'd they get the money?" Who gives a shit that's german engineering. That thing probably runs over bodies like they're nothing more than Lincoln Logs.

And of course, no slasher worth its salt would be complete without a message written in some poor sap's blood. Perfect penmanship and the perfect character count for the number of window panes. It's glorious. Can this movie please just skip the five theaters it'll play in for a weekend and hit Shudder already?

Because it looks sweeter than honey.