Is Bad BO The Worst Smell Known To Man?
Yes. It is. We all know that person. Either a co worker, family member or friend, with body odor so repulsive we would rather go without breathing than inhale whatever the hell is responsible for that retched smell. Personally, I'd rather smell my dead grandmother's snatch than someone's BO all day. Too far? I take that back. I would rather smell BOTH of my dead grandmothers' snatches over someone's bad BO. Yep. And if you disagree, odds are you've never smelled truly BAD BO because you're probably the one with the assholes for armpits.
However, there's good news for us normal armpitted people. So before you get too grossed out and depressed about having to go in to work tomorrow and smell that familiarly awful set of pits, I have a solution (other than getting covid) to forever end this unjust assault on our nostrils. I've spent months, if not years (probably more like 10 minutes) coming up with a set of rules to solve the stinkiest scent once and for all.
They're simple:
People with bad BO should be forced to either...
A) Put on deodorant more often than I use chapstick (like every 6-10 minutes)
B) Get an armpit transplant (If this isn't yet a thing, well congratulations already understaffed medical field, I just created like six million new jobs so you're welcome)
C) Agree to work for the government as a human torture device because God knows we'll get the truth out of anyone after like five minutes of being exposed to that (I don't normally condone torture, but these monster's already torture innocent humans so why not have them torture more deserving folks)
OR
D) Be put on lifetime house arrest with the threat of a slow and painful death should they ever step foot in public again (Work from home? How about live from home)
That's it. Those are the options. Seems like a pretty fair deal to me. You smelly freaks are finally held accountable, and the rest of us can actually eat around you again without trying to mask your BO with our vomit. Win win.
And I get it, maybe it's not totally your fault you have body odor so obnoxiously horrible that everybody including your own mother hates you and wishes you would overdose on Febreze plugins. Maybe it's genetic or maybe it's your environment. But also... Maybe it just doesn't matter, because you're not the one who contemplates suicide every time you're within smelling distance of yourself. We are. The innocent, honest, hard working normal smelling people. You may not deserve your God given pit gas, but we DEFINITELY don't deserve to smell it. So I'm sorry but this is just the way it has to be.
Get it fixed. Thanks.