Next Lionel Messi Fakes And Bakes Like You Can’t Believe

Sweet soccer sugar and spice was that nasty. This hunchback baller of Notre Dame (or wherever the hell this is) laid it on those chumps like his momma laid on him when he was a baby. At least I’m assuming that’s how a human being gets crunched like some junkyard car being reduced to a miniature version of its old self. If grainy cellphone videos of pickup soccer games taking place in some jungle have taught us anything over the years, it’s that you never underestimate the dude who looks like he’d be the villain in an old Cartoon Network show. Really. Look at the way he shakes, fakes, and bakes that premiere league ready defender with nothing but a lean left, step right, then back to the left two step shimmy. Dude does more shakin n’ bakin than a housewife in the 1950s. And let’s not even talk about the goalie. The poor lad might as well have been a traffic cone standing in the way of this soccer god. Putting a shirt on is probably harder for this dude than scoring on that goalie, clearly.