Woman Risks Getting Herpes After Stealing Coins From Monkey Pond

You’re at the mall or a restaurant and they have a fountain with seemingly ten trillion dollars worth of coins from generations of morons down on their luck, hoping a few pennies thrown into some stagnant water will turn their lives around. We’ve all thought about taking a handful. Who hasn’t fantasized about pocketing 76 cents worth of algae ridden loose change?

Well a lady in Tasmania finally accomplished what the rest of us have been too scared to do when she did just that. However not at a mall or her favorite restaurant… Oh no. Australian Authorities reported that a woman broke into a monkey enclosure at a city park to steal scoop fulls of coins from the fountains, and unbenounced to her probably a few pounds of herpes poisoned fecal matter in the process. City officials in Launceton, Tasmania issued a press release urging the herpes coin thief to seek immediate medical attention, as if someone that stupid has ever been inside a doctor’s office. Yeah I’ll hold my breath. You have to give her credit though. Like I said earlier… Living out every little kid’s dream. Those bajillions of coins in fountains across the world tease us every day. We walk by them. Able to do nothing but stare and wonder. They’re the untouchable pots of gold at the end of every 90s mall walk way. Hell we had a restaurant in my home town that would literally give you pennies to throw in their stagnant pond water. If only I was blessed with the same courage and lack of brain cells…