Strawberry Burt’s Bees Is Literally The Worst Lip Balm Of All Time
As a user for over a decade now, I consider myself a Burt’s Bees connoisseur. I prefer Burt’s Bees over any other lip balm brand and I’ll be a Burt’s Bees user till the day I die… On one condition though. There is one product, one flavor to be exact, preventing old Burt from having a perfect lip balm lineup, and that is their god damned strawberry flavor. Where do I begin with this shit. If you’re a burtsaholic like myself, surely you’ve shared the same displeasure after using this down right awful flavor. Strawberry?!? My fucking ass. You’d be better off trying to use an actual strawberry to quench your lips thirst than this lip balm.
First of all the consistency is terrible. It’s like a mix of mashed potatoes and dried semen. So much so that you can never just apply a nice, thin, even layer to your lips because chunks break off and end up all over your face. And nothing in this life is more infuriating than trying to use melted, chunky chapstick (Yes I know, chapstick is a brand not the product name, shut up). But you get it all over your face, on your fingers, all over the actual tube, and chunks of this shit constantly get stuck in the cap. And if you’re one of those weirdos that doesn’t use lip balm then you have no idea what on earth I’m talking about. And congratulations by the way, on having chapped lips that no one wants to ever kiss because that’s disgusting.
Regardless of how terrible this stuff is, my dumb ass manages to somehow end up with a stick of strawberry a few times a year and every time I am reminded of the horror in trying to use this shit. It’s good for MAYBE three uses before morphing into its true, and downright evil, colors. And if you happen to leave satan’s lip balm in the sun for any amount of time, good luck. This won’t melt like your average lip balm or any of the other Burt’s Bees flavors, no, this shit turns into hot lava. You won’t need lip balm anymore because you won’t have any more lips left.
There has to be something weird going on here. I’ve mistakenly tried too many different samples of strawberry for this to be a coincidence. Whatever is going on though needs to stop or I’m switching to another brand. I’ll go to their rival Carmex. I’ll do it. In the lip balm world, you’re a free agent the second your last tube is finished. Or in the case of strawberry Burt’s Bees, thrown out.
It’s just so so bad. It shouldn’t be this damn bad. I mean christ, I’ll take their cucumber mint over strawberry any day and that smells like someone shoved a cucumber up their ass, ate it, and then tried to mask the smell with a breath mint.
So if we can’t figure out how to improve this horrid flavor, just stop making the shit. Burn it all. Send the rest of the inventory to North Korea. I don’t care, just do something with it that doesn’t involve my lips, please.