Pushing A Shopping Cart Should Require A License

It’s the the age old tale of lady meets shopping cart train, picks her companion for the tenth Target run of the week, and bounces said companion off every single person in said Target store like a fucking pinball. Ladies… can we for the love of God and everything holy, please PLEASE PPPLLLEEEAAASSSEEE figure out how to navigate a store without running into my heels? I’m begging you. I’m pleading with you. Please. It isn’t that hard. It really isn’t. So why on God’s green earth and his aisles wide enough for more people than just you, is it impossible for me to leave a store without an aching achilles? I mean honestly. Get your shit together! And I know… “How can you say it’s only women who can’t steer a god damn shopping cart to save their lives?” Well because it’s only women who hit my god damn heels with their god damn shopping carts! And maybe I wouldn’t be so god damn pissed if it didn’t hurt so god damn bad. And maybe if your god damn cart wasn’t filled with 300 pounds of diet soda and terribly scented candles, it wouldn’t hurt so god damn bad in the first place! So stop bothering your nephew with that Words With Friends game you forced him to play you in, and pay attention to where the fuck you’re pushing that thing. Because the next middle aged woman to hit the back of my heels with their shopping cart is going to get more than they bargained for, and FAR more than any bargain their local Target is currently offering.

And why is it always the same woman? You’re all the same. You Hellen Kellers of the grocery aisles are One. And. The. Same. You’re always between the ages of 40 and 55. You all have the same half bull/half Karen haircut. You all wear the same sweet and sour perfume. Hell you probably all lead the same boring lives. Regardless, I’m sick of your shit. Learn how to steer a fucking shopping cart, lord knows you do enough of it.